Hi-Ho Hi-Ho It's off to work I go

Tomorrow sucks. Okay so my new year isn’t starting off right. It should start off on a positive note but f that I’m going to be honest. I go back to work tomorrow and I’m dreading it. I’ve been off for 3 months and I’ve fallen in love with it. I love my house and best of all I love spending time with my son the corajudo. Not sure where he gets that from. Wink wink. I’ve cried every day this past week thinking about how much I’m going to miss him. I’m lucky enough to have my mom watch him for a couple of months but then he’ll have to go to daycare which I don’t want. I thought I’d be okay with all of this and so far I’m not. I don’t want him to get half care and be around sick kids and then bring home his illness and be sick himself. He’s 3 months old today. He’s already had his first cold. Compliments of me and his dad. So guess what happened. I thought I fought it off and then bam Diego and I are sniffling and sneezing and not sleeping, together. I had to watch him get poked and prodded all over again. This hurt immensely. It brought back memories of him in the NICU all over again. He’s better now and so am I. I really don’t want to go back to work. I want to talk to Diego all day and stare at him when I need to feel an unexplainable bond. I want to hear his coos and have him suck my cheek off when he’s hungry. I want to have him stare at me and hold my hand while he’s eating. I want to squeeze his chubby legs all day. I don’t want him to forget that I’m his mami. I don’t want him to think that I’m abandoning him when he needs me the most. Time has flown by and I now see it more than ever. I’ll work harder than I have before and save as much as I can so that I can again be home with him. My little chubber dubber.

I tried to work from home and it didn’t work out. There were too many mistakes to correct and not enough time. Correcting other people’s mistakes irritates me and it was supposed to be part time not a full time thing. So same day I started to do it, I quit. It’s for the same company and all but I just couldn’t stand the aggravation that is supposed to be for the office and not for my house. How come I could handle doing my own work along with someone else’s but they couldn’t. You’d think my boss would have told me she appreciated me. Nope. Didn’t happen. Instead they worked from 5 am to 6 or 7 pm and on weekends as well. When I’m there that doesn’t happen. So did she not see that or was she just too proud to say that I do a better job than she ever could. Adds to the dreadfulness of returning to work. Where’s Xanax when I need it?

Slipper mystery still unsolved. Come on man, I want to thank you. Will the real slipper shipper please stand up?

This year will again bring me to remove toxicity from my life. Little by little I get rid of the causes of ill feelings. Clean house, if you will.

I started this post at 7ish it’s now 11:16 pm. Between Diego crying and eating and getting stuff ready for tomorrow it’s taken me that long to write this. I’ll be at work now so I’ll be able to post a lot more often.