This week on CCMG

Those that got to read the last post before I deleted it – I went and had a great time. I didn’t get drunk before going as planned, but I did get a little tipsy while I was there. Manners (please, thank you, excuse me, let me introduce you to, hello, etc.) is not the family’s strong suit but nonetheless I had a great time.

Alfonso had a little bit of a breakdown at the party. One of his nephew’s walked by and Alfonso said “I want Joshua to wear those kinds of shirts”. Alfonso is a baseball fanatic and the little boy was wearing a baseball jersey. My response to him was “There’s no more Joshua”. I mentioned to him after the miscarriage that I didn’t want to name our first born male Joshua anymore. I felt as though the baby that passed was a boy and we would always refer to him as Joshua. I just feel that it won’t be the same. That’s why I responded to him the way that I did. His cousin R and I then started a conversation about when we will be starting a family and such. I don’t think R knew about our loss. So I told him that sometimes our home feels so lonely and I think that the piercing sound of children screaming would solve this for us. We talked about how a home isn’t a home without the sound of children. I let him know that we would be trying next year some time God willing. As I said this Alfonso broke down. He cried like he did when I broke the news to him. I didn’t know what to do to console him. All I could say was “Baby please stop”. I started tearing up when I was having this conversation with R and after hearing Alfonso it took all I had to hold back my emotions. I just feel so bad because I know of my feelings but not always do I know how Fonz feels. I adore him for loving so much.

All in all, I’m very happy that I went. I want so badly to be a part of his family the way that he has become a part of mine.