I reach out and find myself alone. I don’t and find myself in the same situation. I can’t win. I always end up with this feeling of loneliness.
You’re right it didn’t happen to me BUT it did happen to someone I love. I understand what it feels like. It was almost 1 year ago I went through the same. I know that I wanted to feel loved. I felt so alone. My best friend comforted me. My husband, my best friend. I’m sad. I’m sad because my brother is so far away and must feel despair along with loneliness. We’re all thinking about him, we’re all praying for him but in the end, you want to feel loved. You want actions that show you you’re loved. You don’t want to be pushed away or left all alone with your feelings. Even if you’re not talking about the situation, you want to feel that there are other bodies around you, there for you. For your sadness, for your loss, for you. You want to feel that bond with someone, anyone. Someone you can look at and they feel your pain. Someone that without saying a word, comes over to you and embraces you. An embrace that comes from the depth of your soul, not a hug that’s full of empty promises or one just so everyone thinks you’re nice. I want the bond where no one needs to say “hey yoohoo over here, me, look at me, I need you” but everyone shows up on your doorstep and without having to say anything, everyone knows the hurt you feel and genuinely feels it with you. When my brother and my sister in law return, nothing will be said. My actions will say it all.
I hope no one ever feels this feeling of loneliness. It’s a sad place to be. You’ll never feel lonely because without saying a word, I’ll be at your doorstep. I can’t say no to you. My heart won’t let me.
Last night, I looked around, I found myself again surrounded by my best friend. My husband. I’m grateful for him. He let me cry. I didn’t talk. He felt what I was feeling and cried along with me. He also knows the feeling of loneliness. He didn’t have to tell me. Through my heart, I felt his.
