I Hate Sundays!

It used to be that I hated Sundays because that would mean I never knew when I’d see Alfonso again. In the beginning our relationship was weird. I’m not sure the word relationship is the correct term but it was what it was. I would leave his house in tears because I didn’t want Sunday to end.

Now I hate Sundays because it means that Monday I don’t get to see Diego for most of the day. It may sound silly to some of you but it’s the honest truth. Our weekends with him are so precious. He’s such a good boy. I couldn’t have asked for a bigger blessing. I just miss him so much. It’s not getting easier. My stomach is in knots when I think of dropping him off. I get the correle que te alcanzo because of the anxiety. TMI? Maybe. Stay at home parents are really lucky. I would love nothing more than to stay at home with him and teach him new things. The guilt I feel is sometimes unbearable. Sundays suck because it reminds me of all of the above.

On a happier note, Alfonso and I went out this weekend and had such a good time that I woke up with a German accent. It was Dusty’s 30th Birthday and we had a grand ol’ time. Diego stayed with my Brother in law and Sister in law. They adore him. Diego’s cousins were so happy to see him. I felt comfortable knowing he was in loving hands and that I knew she wouldn’t try to feed him stuff I don’t give him. She listened to what I had to tell her and didn’t make me feel bad about it. I felt like a mom for the first time. I worried about him all night and when Alfonso suggested in his drunken stupor that he spend the night, I said NO! Next time though we may have to have him spend the night. I really need some time alone with my man. We’re forgetting how to be novios. I want to be his novia not be mom and wife only all the time. I’m sure he feels the same way.

I’ve also felt a little bit closer to his family. I’ve been IM’ing with his nieces and nephew in Mexico. They’re so cute. Even though they’re younger it has still made me feel good to talk to them and at least know that someone likes me. That’s why leaving D with my in-law’s was such a big step for me. Feeling comfortable with it was an even bigger one. I have a good feeling about it.

I miss my mom. So in case you couldn’t tell, me siento melancólica. I’ve been sad for some days now. Just feeling lonely, tired, annoyed. I wish I had more people around me that I had more stuff in common with. My good friends are all single or don’t live here. It’s lonely being the only one with a baby and working. I have no one to vent to that will truly understand what I feel and give me their honest opinions on what I’m doing. I don’t dig the shake the head and agree with me thing and then walking away talking about me. Me no diggy. The secret. The secret will bring me people I have stuff in common with who are true to themselves. I can’t ask for your opinion if I don’t agree with your lifestyle. My friends are good for their honest opinion though, I’ll give them that. We’re just all on separate pages these days and I’m just feeling a little isolated. Woe is me. Hope I didn’t depress you.