In A Nutshell

This is what I’ve been up to.

My Mami’s birthday was last week. My Tia Lupe who is my great Aunt passed away on my Mami’s birthday. She was blind and had Alzheimer’s. My Abuelita who is 90ish took care of her or should I say they took care of each other. I’ll always carry such great memories of her. She was such a happy person. My mom left to go to the funeral and to take care of my Abuelita and will be gone for 3 more weeks possibly. From reading my blog you probably have already gathered that my Mami goes often. She had already planned on going but this, for obvious reasons, had her leaving earlier than she planned. She’ll be gone for at least 3 more weeks. I miss her as I always do but now more.

This left us to look for a daycare STAT. I felt so selfish thinking about this while my Mami was so sad and being pulled in different directions. Last week was the worst and longest week ever for me. I knew it was eventually going to happen but I guess I just didn’t have enough time to prepare. The anguish I feel leaving my child in someone else’s care is immense. My mom, my husband those are the only people he knows. I didn’t want him to think I was abandoning him. I was sad when I came back to work but felt nothing as strong as this. My mom watching him spoiled me, spoiled us. Knowing that the person who was caring for my child loved him as much as I do soothed me. I’ve cried every day since she left. It’s getting easier working my way to the door and it’s getting easier to leave without a knot in my throat. I don’t know how other working Mother’s do it. I know in the long run he’ll appreciate it but I don’t know if some of the material things are worth leaving him. I guess I never thought about it as much as I do now. I want him to have nice things and a nice home to live in but are all those nice things really going to be worth it to him? Anyway, it was a long week. (I started writing this on 3/6/07, I’ve sat in the parking lot crying every day)

We’re all sick again. This damn bug will not leave our house. I was drinking Airborne like crazy. It’s not a bad cold just a mild one but it kept me from work one day this week. That meant Baby D stayed too. I loved every second of my chubber.

So about my gallbladder. I go to the Dr. on the 20th for it. I haven’t had an episode since the last. I’ve had this pain in my chest and stomach for a while now. It started right before I got pregnant and happened one time while I was pregnant. I dismissed it as anxiety. Soon after Diego was born it started up again and more frequently. It’s painful and needless to say, uncomfortable. I’ve dealt. This particular day I couldn’t anymore. The pain wasn’t going away. We took a trip to the emergency room at 1:30 am. I was shot up with morphine and then the Dr. said that he was 85% sure it was my gallbladder. He wrote me 4 scripts and we were on our way at 4:30 am. It hasn’t happened since, knock on wood, toss salt over my shoulder, don’t walk under a ladder.

Work has also kept me busy and blog free. I haven’t had a chance to write while I’m at work. Sometimes I don’t even have a chance to read your blog. It’s a good thing that I’ve been busy but it’s a bad thing that I haven’t had the chance to write or sometimes read your blogs. Bad blog friend.

Being a mom has changed my life immensely. I knew it was going to be hard work but I don’t think anyone could have ever prepared me for this. Those people that say it’s not expensive, you lie. It is. There are the pampers, formula, water (because my baby ain’t getting the water coming out of the faucet), special equipment (car seat, high chair, play yard, etc), clothes. He grows at the rate of Jack (movie with Robin Williams). He’s a premie but you’d never know. Before him I would judge other moms on how anal they were and how I could never do that. Not no mo’. I think as a first time mom you don’t get cut any slack. No one wants to hear what you have to say because you’re not “experienced”. You can’t tell anyone what to do with your child because they’ve been there done that. The only problem I have with that is they haven’t done it my way. I would laugh at schedules and such. Not no mo’. My mom would agree with me on how ridiculous some things sounded before. Before Diego. Diego changed us. For some reason he changed my Mami too. She learned his routine because when I was home I would be on the phone with her at least 4 times a day. She kept his routine while he was in her care. She tried her hardest to adhere. She’s a mom of 3. She never judged me or my decisions. She learned from them. I actually taught my mom different things. I believe it’s because Diego was born 7 weeks early. In the week he was in the hospital the nurses taught us a lot of things. Some of the things were some of the reasons I criticized other parents. I shared the new found wisdom with Mami. So together we said, only the child’s Mother knows what’s best for her child. Washing hands before handling a child. I’d be offended if someone asked me to do that. The nurses told me this and all of a sudden, I was no longer offended. Anything to keep mi niño sanito. I appreciate it when people come over wash their hands and then ask if they can hold the baby. It actually makes my heart skip a beat. Do I get mad if someone doesn’t? No. I love it when you do though. I no longer make quick judgements. It may not be the way I’d do it but every parent has a reason for being the way they are. My reason is, I love my child. I’m happy being a mom. At first I didn’t think I wanted any more children. The lack of sleep was unbearable. Of course, my reasons were all selfish. Now, I want 1 more. If Diego can bring me this much happiness, I can only imagine what one more could do.

The Indians are awake now. I hope to post again soon.