I want to be able to maintain this. I do. I really do. I don’t always have a lot to say and when I do I don’t want to always be complaining and venting. Not that I have an image to maintain but I don’t want to put all that negativity out there.
I’m still doing the WW thing. A couple of weeks ago I lost the motivation. I’m working on getting that back. I feel like crap and I don’t want to go back up. It’s so hard. It’s such a struggle. My weight issues stem from my childhood. I have to work through all of that in addition to just controlling portions. Controlling emotions is exhausting and such a daily struggle. I often wonder if I’m alone. Everyone, my whole life has always told me how moody I am. Which by the way doesn’t help me. It’s like telling me I’m fat. How does that help me? I’m not sure so rethink your approach. I’ve lost 33 and probably gained back 5 in the last week. The motivation loss started when the weather started getting warmer and things slowed down at work. I want to be home or outside (not hiking or fishing or bike riding) playing with Diego or watching him play but I don’t really want to be here. I have to get that motivation back. They say with weight loss you gain energy. I haven’t gained a damn bit of energy. WW says to eat filling foods and you won’t feel hungry. I feel hungry damn it! I feel hungry and like taking a nap. I’m putting it out there to whoever is listening – I NEED MOTIVATION!!!!
Diego is growing like crazy. I guess kids do that. He’s becoming a rebelde. Testing my patience. Every. Day. 99% of the time he’s a good kid. Right now he’s at the stage where he talks. Non stop. Non.Stop. Not too long ago I enrolled him in a sports class with the county. $18 for 6 weeks. Not bad. They do a different sport every week. He wants it to be basketball every week and then we get home and he tries to teach me stuff. At least he gets to play with kids. Sometimes I feel bad because he’s either with my parents or with Alfonso and I so he doesn’t get that interaction with kids his age. Then other times I see kids his age and I don’t want him to interact with them. They’re sponges. They take on everyone else’s personality. Some personalities don’t need to be taken on. On the 14th he starts a ballet folklorico class. I’m sooo excited about that one. Before he was born or even a premonition I wished that one of my nieces or nephews would want to do that. That was a no go. So I’m so glad that I can have him at least test the waters. I really hope he enjoys it. He’s such a fun kid. Such a bright personality. I’m not saying that just because I’m his mom.
We’ve taken on many much needed home projects. I didn’t know they’d be such a headache. They’re almost done though. Gracias a Dios. Just need the house painted and that part will be done. Then is the landscaping. AY AY AY! Our floors are disgusting but what’s the sense in keeping it up when the workers aka Alfonso keep walking in and out all day.
Alfonso. He’s good. He, like Diego, tests my patience. He helps. He helps a lot more than most men. I’m appreciative of that. He just doesn’t have a romantic bone in his body. Pobrecito. I try to give him hints but he just doesn’t know how to follow through. In talking to other women I guess it’s not uncommon. Come on guys put some pep in your step. You want more nooky well give us some romance. I don’t care so much about candy and flowers. You should never buy a big girl candy anyway. I want you to plan the date, find a sitter and take me out. I’m tired of planning stuff. I think all damn day long, every day. It’s your turn. I make decisions for the family every damn day. It’s your turn. Use your cabezita a little. Holy smokes.
I love him with or without his romantic bone.
Overall. I’m happy. I’m blessed. (Have you noticed that word is overused these days?) I hope you are too.
2 comments:
As much as I try not to focus on all the negativity, I still do. It's hard. And when you're down, you want to be alone and isolate yourself, but studies show talking to others helps. But once again, when I'm down, I don't want to talk to anyone, not even Lu. That's another thing, I don't want her to remember me as angry or moody all the time. There's that song by Tim McGraw that reminds me of that "Angry all the Time" I think it's called. Anyway, it's a daily, hourly thing I have to work on.
My man is not romantic either, which bothers me as well. But he does lots of things that bother me, so it just makes me question is it me or is it him? I really want to say it's him. I hate that he worked so hard in the beginning to pull me back into his life and now that I'm in it, he doesn't. We barely talk and that's a huge thing for me. He's so affectionate with Lu, but totally forgets about me. This drives me crazy.
So, anyway, long post basically to say you're not alone. Everyone has their issues at home or with themselves. But we have each other to get through the hiccups of the day.
It does help to talk to others but damn they probably get so tired of it. I know when I hear people complain about things I feel like saying STFU already and do something about it. In the meantime, I'll keep complaining. ;-)
Men are weird creatures. My friend rev run always says and he's probably quoting someone but he says listen to the whispers before they're screams. I make sure to repeat that to Alfonso all the time.
I'm glad to know I'm not alone. Maintaining relationships (love, friendship and otherwise) is hard work. Thanks for letting me know I'm not riding that ride alone.
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