Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thankful

#1 – God – I know you’re there. No one has a sense of humor like you. Thank you for everything you’ve put in my life. Good, bad and everything in between. Thank you for the life lessons. I will continue to let your light guide me through my life. I’ll do my best to never let you down but will always be the best person that I can be. I may not visit your house that often but it doesn’t mean that I don’t love you it just means that you need to shine your light in my eyes in the morning so I can get up. Please give me energy. Oh and patience. Amen.


#2 – My health – Hey who knew a chubby girl could be so healthy right? I’m grateful for my health. For without it I couldn’t be grateful for the 35 other things below and God above (literally, literally).


#3 - Alfonso – Man you get on my nerves like nobody's business but the truth is, I could never live without you. You're my constant. The one who sticks by me when things are dark. The one who laughs and never flinches at my vulgarity. The one who takes the brunt of my frustration with such calmness and without causing me bodily harm. You play with my hair when I cry and you make me hug you when you see that I'm falling to pieces. Not many men react to things the way that you have. You faced our new life head on right beside me. You let me talk about Ruby whenever I want. You celebrate her the way that we should and you never once told me how I should grieve. You don't judge me ever, not even when I haven't showered for days. You tell me when I'm wrong and you give me the look of death when you've had enough of my bull. You, not once have tried to change me. You've accepted and supported me. The me, I'm always working to change. You're the one person (besides Diego) that's always there. I'm so glad I waited for you. I don't care if I was already old and my ovaries were drying up, I'm glad I waited. I love you so much Papito.


#4 – Diego – This kid is my sunshine. He’s my rainbow after the storm. In more ways than one. His smile can light up a room and his spirit touches my core. We’re connected like no one can imagine and I adore this kid. His sense of humor is one of a kind. We like to sing “We’re the 2 best friends that anybody could have, we’re the 2 best friends that anybody could have” and when we notice Daddy feels left out we say we’re the 3 best friends. Which honestly is the truth. I love you for being 5 and remembering you have a sister. You include her in all that we do and remember her all the time. You have the biggest heart and sweetest disposition. May no one ever change you. And always remember, that I love you no matter what! No matter who you choose to love, no matter what grades you bring home (i mean you still better bring home some good grades kid!). I love you without conditions. And that's the truth son!


#5 – Ruby – My sweet Ruby. You opened my eyes to so many things. I feel your spirit around us. Around your brother. I’m grateful for all you have brought to my life unexpectedly. I’m grateful for the 22 weeks we shared. You my love, are so many things to me. You've taught me that I need to stick true to who I am. Accept no BS from anyone. Life is short and never a guarantee. You've taught to take my life one day at a time. Remember Ruby, don't be sad when I cry. I cry because I love you and because I miss you. I cry because I'm selfish and would rather have you here with me. Logically, I know you're in good hands and that you watch over us. Selfishly, I want to see your smile and smell your baby scent. Either way, if asked to do it again, I would in a heartbeat. With the same outcome. Thank you my love. For my new normal. Normal is I wouldn't give back my 22 weeks I shared with you because sometimes love is so great that saying hello and goodbye in the same moment is worth it.


#6 Family – These crazy folks. Sarcasm runs deep at the Vidaña household. These fools are my lifeline. The best support group anyone could have. I’m grateful for their health.


#7 - Friends – Past, Present and Future – Past – You made me see what I truly don’t want in a friendship. You pushed me towards freedom and made me realize that who I was then is who I will never be again. Present – Some of you encompass all 3. You’re the ones I call at 3 am crying because … well just because I feel like it. You’re the ones that know that honesty is best when it comes to me no matter how bad it hurts. You’re the ones that know that I don’t sugar coat and that if you want lies you better be calling someone else. You’re the ones that love me just as I am. You know that under my hard exterior I have a heart of gold and I’m emotional beyond words. Future – You don't know me yet. But to know me is to love me. ;-)


#8 – MOM – You fall under family but you need your own separate area. You’ve helped me raise my son. You love him as your own. Who does that? You do. Because that’s how great you are. Thank you Mom for being all that you are to me. For being my paño de lagrimas and for getting on my nerves. Because if you didn’t get on my nerves, I wouldn’t learn so much and I wouldn’t always say “bien que me dijo mi Ma.” Te amo Mami.


#9 – DAD – Again, falls under family but man this dude is UH-MAZING! When I least expected it but most needed it he surpassed ALL expectations. He hugged me and didn’t need to say a thing. Gracias Pa. You were MY angel when I lost my angel. Your unconditional love is just that unconditional. I love you. (he’s the one that made me think of making this list – just by watching him come back home from a walk)


#10 - Co Parent – Thank you for all that you do. For being Mom when I can’t be. And probably doing a better job than I. For teaching my son so many things that I would have never thought of. For teaching him culture, science, choices, etc. etc. etc. THANK YOU! (Diego is no longer in her care, however, I'm still thankful. Thankful because she showed me how I don't want my son to be cared for. I want my son by acts of love and compassion. She forced me to put my ass in gear and search for somewhere where he would thrive. And that he has. So I'm thankful)


#11 - Random I Love you’s – Holy cow! I love these. No explanation needed. A random I love you can solve all that is wrong with the world.


#12 - Settling – Waiting to get married. I mean men were throwing offers at me left and right because they were all ready for this jelly. Okay not really. But I’m glad I didn’t marry the first lelo that asked me. I knew in my heart of hearts and my infinite wisdom that I wasn’t going to settle. I didn’t and I won the lottery. I settled for nothing less than fireworks, puppies and rainbows.


#13 – A new bond with another grieving mother – This friendship to me is special. Thank you for your honesty. Your TRUE honesty. For putting things into perspective for me. For letting me know when my lip is bleeding. For allowing me to have the most inappropriate conversations with you. Thank you for all the trust you give me and for all the love you show me. I love you.


#14 – My childhood bestie – Girllllll you’re like a sister to me. Like a sister, no, you are my sister. We’ve had a rocky relationship but with age comes wisdom and like fine wine our friendship only gets better with time. I can’t imagine life without you. I love you.


#15 – Captain and Diet (or beer, man I just can't get into the cap'n lately but I'm still trying)


#16 – Music – Music is the way to my heart.


#17 - My friends parents – These people have all been there to watch me fail and succeed. You were my parents eyes when they couldn’t be there. Thank you.


#18 – Jobs – I’m grateful for the 3 jobs I’ve had in my 37 years. I’ve learned a lot. Mostly what I don’t want to be when I grow up. That I have one that I like most days. And that I have one. Period.


#19 – Smiles – From random strangers. I like them. I also like to smile at random strangers. You never know their story and they would never know mine. But one smile from a stranger can turn my frown upside down. (remember my post from the other day. I may have a rough exterior but it doesn't mean I don't have a heart. I do. Even on the days where a smile takes so much energy. I try and smile because that may change someone's day. I know it does mine.)


#20 – Hugs – I like hugs. I’m affectionate. What can I say?


#21 – Dancing – I don’t do it enough but it’s always been one of my favorite things in the world.


#22 – Girl Scouts – “Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold” I really think that song needs to be rethought but I get the intent. ;-)


#23 – My Nina – Thank you for showing me so much. Sewing. When I was little my Nina would give me sewing lessons. She gave me a sewing machine as a wedding gift. Weird gift for most. Heartfelt gift to me.


#24 – Phone calls – Man. No one makes phone calls anymore. I don’t like texting. (I really would like to stress that I'd take a phone call over a text ANY DAY! I don't like texting.)


#25 – Facebook – It’s allowed me to reconnect with some and disconnect with others. The more we connect we become disconnected.


#26 – My bed – Miss you…. (I should be in it right now. Diego was snoring in my ear and breathing his morning breath on me. His morning breath could kill a baby goat. No harm done PETA. Settle down. I live in the city where there are no baby goats. Well who knows I do live in with the Mezcans and they could be making some birria. But anyway this thankfulness was about my bed not birria or a goat or you PETA. Shoot)


#27 – Coffee – I love the taste. Too bad that for me you put me to sleep. Zzzzzzz


#28 - My suegros – You made a good man. Thank you.


#29 – Patience – I have none. But I’m grateful for those that do. Mainly my husband. He has a lot of it. He has to, to be with me. I’m grateful for what little of this that I have but consistently pray for more. (Lord knows he has some patience when he drives, holy smokes, put the pedal to the metal man. Let's go somewhere!!! That's my Lord, why I need patience. So I can survive in this world without someone wanting to hurt me)


#30 – Air conditioning – It’s hot as a mug out there. (Heater - It's cold as a mug in here)


#31 - Email – It allows me to think before I speak.


#32 – Photos – They capture all those special moments. (I need to get back on that)


#33 – Communication – You’d be surprised on how many issues can be solved with this simple tool. I over communicate sometimes (my husband would say) but hey at least you’ll always know where you stand.


#34 – Water – I love you.


#35 – Laughter. Man I loooove to laugh.


#36 – Transportation – With air conditioning (and heating. and running)


My 37 years – I’m glad I’m no longer in my 20’s. I wish I had the energy from my 20’s and the memory but knowing now what I didn’t then, surpasses everything. 20’s were about being free and single. Heartbreak, hangovers and nightlife. I’m glad I left all of that behind. I mean let’s be real, sometimes I wish I were free and single. Not for the heartbreak, hangovers and nightlife because truly who wants to see a 37 year old at the club? But for the freedom from responsibilities. 37 years though, it’s not about the years but the knowledge I’ve gained. The personal growth. The road to self-discovery. It’s never too late and I’ll never be perfect but the journey has been a good one thus far. It’s only getting better.


HAPPY THANKSGIVING! We all have something to be thankful for. No matter our circumstances.

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