My baby boy

My dearest Diego,

Our lives are about to change. We'll go from a family of 3 to a family of 5. You'd correct me and say we're a family of 6 because we can't forget Ruby. You're the sweetest boy. I want you to know that I love you and that these 2 babies that are about to enter the world aren't here to take any love from you. I hope they're here to add to your life. It's because of you that Daddy and I chose to have another. You are so special. Your smile and spirit light up a room. You are so much like your Daddy. In a good way. Your genuine eyes tell a story. You're such an old soul. You and I have a connection that no one will replace. You can feel my angst when I try to put on a brave face.

I started writing you this letter the night before your brother and sister were born. I didn't finish it because there were so many emotions running through me. My thoughts were jumbled and I couldn't put my thoughts down fast enough.

Your brother and sister are now here. You're the great helper I thought you would be. You've had your jealous moments but for the most part you've proved me right. You've adjusted well. Your heart is so big. I asked you one day if you wanted us to give them away and you quickly said "No. But you can give Lola away." You make them laugh and you're always there to rock them if they start crying. To shush them when they get too loud and to love them when they need it.

I'm so sorry that the time we used to spend together has shrunk and is always just not enough.  Our talks are almost always interrupted by the screams of brother and sister. Our cuddle time doesn't last long enough because someone always falls fast asleep.

In one year there have been so many changes in your life. You left Griffith (pre-K) to start Kindergarten at your new school. 2 new babies came. Mommy went back to work. Daddy left to work out of town. Mommy no longer takes you to school and Daddy no longer picks you up. We tried to take you to the safe key at school so that I could take and pick you up but it seemed to almost do more harm to you than good. When I saw the tears in your eyes I knew I just couldn't do that to you. Again.

I want you to know papi that no matter what comes our way, I love you. My love for you will NEVER change. No matter who you are, what you become or who you choose to love. I'll be proud of you through all the mistakes and all the triumphs. I'll show you affection even when you reject it.  You'll always be my special boy. You were my first born. You were my first child to say the words "I love you" and the first child to call me "Mami".

You are my sunshine. My only sunshine. I love you more than words can express. But in Mami and Diego language "I love you to Diosito and back" Forever papi. Forever.