Friday, September 28, 2012

She's always with us

So I promised I’d tell you about how I know Ruby has been a part of my journey with the Lucas and Luz.

I woke up extremely nervous the day of our very first “official” OB appointment. I was unsure if we’d be able to listen to a heartbeat. At this point I may have only been 10 weeks, if that. The morning started off with me on my phone, of course. I was on a birth board, and the very first post I read was the story of Moses and how a poster went to her son’s school and it was the lesson that day in chapel. The story was about how we should leave our worries to God and trust that he’ll make the right decisions for us. After I read this story, I tried to do just that.

We arrived at the Dr.’s office and were told that the Dr. was running late and it would be a while before we’d be seen or we could reschedule. I wasn’t going to reschedule because my nerves were on end. So disappointed and sad, I sat back down next to Alfonso and began to fidget. A nurse comes out and calls the next patient, “Ruby… Ruby”. Alfonso squeezed my hand and whispered, “She’s here.” Tears rolled down my face. She was there and she was letting me know that everything was going to be ok. And with that they called my name and took me back. It was in fact too soon to hear heartbeats but I felt good because at least I got to see the Dr.

Later that day… We’re relaxing at home. I asked Alfonso to look up a recipe from a binder in our “office”. He calls my name and asks what the earrings (arracadas) that my Mami gave me looked like. I told him. He came out to the living room and showed them to me. You see, some years ago my Mami gave me some arracadas (gold hoops) that were hers in her younger years. When our house was robbed in 2012, they were a part of it and I was devastated. Again, I believe it was Ruby. And I believe it was her way of showing me that she was around. Yes, the hoops are something materialistic but they’re something I held sacred. Our house was robbed 2 days before Ruby’s service.

Throughout the pregnancy there were signs everywhere. All the time.

The day Lucas and Luz were born and they moved me to the room I’d stay in a page was made over the speaker it was again to “Ruby”. She was there.

You may not believe in signs or this story may sound cheesy and all coincidental to you, but to me, it is not coincidence. They’re affirmations that I have an angel. Luz looks just like her sister. Her eyes, her nose, her lips and her hands. My hands. If you remember my story of Ruby the one thing I regret is not having Ruby’s hands stamped to remember them. Because she had my hands. Luz has my hands. Her sister’s hands. Luz also has a birthmark. Lucas does not.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her. My babies are a reminder of her. Of my personal hero. She left to be with God so that these babies could come be with us. That’s unconditional love and that’s the love of an angel. We’re surrounded by blessings daily and reminders that we’re blessed. When days get rough I think of Ruby. And I think, “it could always be worse”. And with that I hug my little family and thank God for what I do have.

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