ROAD TRIP!!

More than a few years ago my brothers and I went on a road trip. My older brother Joey, Joel or Yoy as we call him (Joey pronounced Yoy in spanish) was just finishing school in Florida and was going to drive his belongings to my parents house here in Vegas. Eric and I flew out to Florida and were going to keep Joey company on his drive back. Well Eric kept him company, I slept in the back seat the whole time. Every once in a while my head would pop up like a mole but then I was back down. Picture this, Florida 1990 something. It was hot as hell August. Joey picked us up from the airport and drove us back to the house he lived in. We ran some errands and went to WalMart to pick up some items for our journey the next morning.

We head out the next morning, destination New Orleans. I had never been and when Joey left for school he took my brother and his girlfriend (now my sister in law) and they were there for New Year’s. My only request on this road trip was to visit. Well we went. Hot and humid like a mug. We visited the French Quarter’s and stopped at several bars. I had a hurricane and got a nice buzz off of one. Listened to fine music. I believe the lyrics went something like this.. “One eyed cat, One eyed cat” I really can’t remember the rest. We got in a cab and were back on our way to the hotel, motel, Holiday Inn. The cab driver was roofless. He flipped off one of his fellow cabdrivers but with his whole hand in my brother’s face. To which my brother replied “That’s not nice”. I was a little scared. My brother asked him questions the whole way home, questions like “How do you say fcuk you in your language?”. We made it back safely.

Let me tell you though that sharing a room with two boys and their sweaty feet is not really my idea of fun. They put my gag reflex to the test.

Next day we were back on the road. Eric was Joey’s co-pilot and I sat in the backseat. They’d stop every morning to get a big ol’ fix of coffee and some sunflower seeds. This morning Joey picked up something that had a bottle cap. I can’t remember what it was. As we’re driving Joey takes the cap off of his beverage and throws it out the window (I’m sorry adopt-a-highway people). Eric has his head on the headrest resting his eyes when the bottle cap comes back thru the back window and bops him on the head. He sucks his teeth and says “Mannnn”. All the while looking at me. I just burst into laughter because I saw the whole thing. I’m laughing right now as a matter of fact. I told him what happened, of course it took me like 20 minutes to tell him because I was laughing so dang hard. We all chuckled together.

Frrr trrrr shhh psss the tire on the U-haul trailer goes flat in Texas, Louisiana or Oklahoma. We pull over to the side of the road in the isolated desert. Did I mention it was hot? Joey tries to get a hold of U-Haul. Can you hear me now commercial in progress. He runs out so dang far in the middle of some wheat field. It’s not really wheat but some big ol dried grass area. Where you see him jumping over shti to get good reception. Meanwhile at the Capri, Eric and I are like damn it’s hot, you hot? Me too. I wore flip flops the whole trip. Needless to say it looked like I had been pumping gas barefoot. I don’t like for my feet to be hot. They were. Ice chest at hand, I was getting some of that cold water putting it on my feet then sticking my hand back in the ice chest. Here comes Eric, “oh my gosh I’m so firsty.” Ice in hand, hand to mouth. I just stared at him for a while then told him that, that water had been on my feetsies. I think he might have vomited a little in his mouth. Joey returns from his safari and starts video taping me because my white face is beet red. Makes fun of me for having swollen red face. This was humorous to him. Not so much to me. U-Haul tire fixer arrives, fixes the tire and on the road again.

Pchhh kapppttt puff car breaks down in New Mexico. We get it to a shop, not sure if via tow truck or how. We’re taken to a motel. Joey decides he’s hungry and wants to go to the “Pizza Café”. We didn’t really care that he wanted to go to the Pizza Café but more annoyed that he kept saying Pizza Café. So we washed up and got ready to go to the Pizza Café. Walk down the road and there’s no dang Pizza Café. He just knew it was this road he saw it on. We start walking back and see a sign “Plaza Café”. He laughed that annoying little laugh and we walked back, sadly, to the room where we ordered pizza.

On the road again, stop at a gas station in Kingman, AZ, oh we’re so close to home. I can’t wait to get there and shower and wash my black feet. The car was so loaded up it hit the concrete and pfffttt. We’re on the side of the road again. This time AAA wouldn’t come out until the fire department cleared it. Gas leak. Fire Men get there Eric and I can’t stand still. We’ve been sitting down for 5 days. Well without looking where I step, all of a sudden I hear a frrrr (that’s a fart sound). Eric, a fireman and I look down. I stepped on a sauce packet that squirted all over Eric’s shoe. Fireman “Nasty”. We all laughed, I laughed harder. That’s what I do. I shake it up with my laughter man. You can’t help but be amused by watching me shake it all about. So then Eric runs out into the desert as he spotted something shiny and is easily distracted. He comes back with this big U shaped thing and says “guess what this is? llemaY’s underwire, ahahahahaha”. He’s humorous like that.

Joey leaves to look for a shop. Eric and I are left to fend for ourselves. Across the highway is a rest stop looking area that has vending machines and pay phones. Eric and I start walking across the highway and I tell him that I think I’m going to faint. It’s a bad habit I have. He’s like come on we can make it across the highway. So we make it and he goes straight to the payphone while I’m left lying on the cement. I’m thinking he’s calling Joey or even my mom to see what he should do. Nope. “Is Jessica there?” is what I hear next. He’s calling his fcuking girlfriend. That’s nice, real nice. “So I’m going to faint and all you can think to do is call your girlfriend?” I say, he replies “well I didn’t know what to do”. We get our icy cold beverages and I muster up the equilibrium to walk back across. We’re sitting on the back of the trailer when here comes Joey in a cab with a brown bag. Eric and I are thinking that this is some food, we’re starving. He had us thinking at the start of our day that we would stop for some grub on the way. Sure didn’t. So we thought oh here comes sweet midget Joey with some food. Guess what was in the bag? If you guessed Beer, you’re absolutely right.

My friend Gaby came and got us and Joey stayed the night in Kingman waiting for his car to be fixed. Eric and I had to work the next morning so we couldn’t continue the journey with Yoy. We had such a great trip. I was so proud of myself for not turning into pouty sister girl cry baby llemaY.

Not a Xmas memory but something I’ll remember forever.